Monday, October 19, 2009
I just want to note how I'm feeling, two days before my first O Level paper (besides Chinese), on Wednesday. I'm tired and frustrated and panicky and stressed beyond belief. Really regretful, and crazily scared since I remembered an ex tutor telling a Sec 4 last year, that he should have finished his maths Tys twice over before O Levels and I haven't even completed it. Yes I can't wait for this to end, but then my holiday will be a fitful one, unease constantly brewing underneath the surface of fun. I want to be confident of amazing results next January, not bite my lips and tremble in fear. I want to hope, that whatever I do now really matters, those A1s are within grasp, but then it weeds itself in my mind: I don't deserve whatever good results I want. But I need to have hope, and dreams, and weave it into actions, so at least I can pray for the best, for one more chance - and I will learn from this and use this chance to the best of my ability.
10:00 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
bye. Bye! goodbye. Goodbye. See you. Cya. See ya! See ya
around.Practising my goodbyes like maths Tys, I'm scared, nervous, and sad all at once.
Bring tissues? I think I'll cry. I don't know. I don't want to predict tears. Hah. Strange feelings. Sucks that we might never see some people ever again, or if ever, they'll be a figure suspended between Acquaintance and Stranger.
I should be getting better at this Bye Business, since I've cried and cried for P6 classmates, Sec 2 classmates...Don't forget your friends. It'd kill me to recognise a good friend on the streets, then bow my head or pretend to be texting, because I didn't know what to say. SWEARWORD this, I'm going to sleep and face tomorrow like a brave girl.
11:38 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Webcammed with Xinyun and Huining. They were at the Esplanade library so we did everything in silence. It involved a whole lot of eyebrow-shoving, nosehair-displaying, frowning, and silent laughter.
Went to see Miss Izrina after Amaths. Passed her the combined Teachers' Day gift. I think I've said all that I could and less in the cards. But I'm so super grateful for Drama. It's the 7 hours a week that drives me to near madness and what keeps me going all the same. I don't hang out with the Drama kids in class, but cheesy as it sounds (very very mozerella) we've built something these three years. Solid. And the proximity we enjoy with the 3 teachers and Mrs. Crothers is unimaginably satisfying. I love that we won't be just another 14 faces that blur as the years zoom by.
On Monday, we snuck Mr. Fi out of the Lower Sec celebrations and presented him with his Box of Socks. Each Drama girl gave him a pair and he looked so amused and amazed at once, and it was so brilliant to hear him say " Of course I'll never forget you girls! My first graduating batch!" His feet are going to be very snug feet in his pointy shoes when term4 begins.
And Miss Izrina refers to us as her "chil'ren!" and kept threatening to cry.
It's all very fuzzy-feely :)
But other than that. It's been an utterly tiring week.
You half-know you are exhausted beyond belief, but because day after day it's the same punishing schedule of brain-draining paper, 1hr break to cram, next brain-mucking paper, rush home in a daze to fit facts up your nose and holding your head carefully so they won't spill out of your ears, or 4hours of tuition staring at the glinting whiteboard trying to process as much information, lodge as many formulas in your brain as possible, then home to cram whatever's left, and slump to bed and dreams of Venice past midnight. Rinse and repeat.
On Friday, after the Amaths paper, the tension came to a brief standstill. A loose halt. One week of holiday before everything begins again. And I was so exhausted.
I have no discipline whatsoever. I need the highly-strung timetable to keep me studying. See, it pauses and I don't do anything productive for one and a half days. That's like a billion lightyears in MathematicsWorld.
We are inching forward to the Big&Extremely Large, and even though her motivational skills are quite lacking, Mrs. Lim was right. It's all mind over matter. I don't think mine is set in iron right now, but I'm going to wrestle myself off the comp.
1:19 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Last Friday was English, Thursday was Bio/Chem Prac and Drama, yesterday was Bio+Literature. I recieved a yellow daisy from Huining and a red rose from Yim Qi. We spent an hour chasing teachers pre-teacher's day to give them presents, and it was quite awkward cos I didn't bring my gifts yesterday. I haven't studied since Friday morning, it feels like exams are over when it's just beginning.
I didn't know Prelims worked like this. Sec One, Two, Three, I imagined myself ready two weeks before it all started, done my TYS twice over, and basically all prepared. I imagined my days starting and ending with studying, with ink stains on my fingers and post-its stuck in my hair. Social Studies, HMT, Amaths and Emaths Paper 1 to conquer before September holidays, then it all continues after.
I haven't gone on a proper Parkway-after-school-because-we-feel-like-it in
ages. I need a haircut. I hope the after-'O' Levels plans live up to all the hype. Talking to yourself is quite therapeutic :) you can't offend the other person! hahahhaha. Void deck studying is no use, the rest of the school are too busy enjoying 45 minutes of freedom to care about your exam in an hour.
12:17 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I just ate a kitkat and it tasted absolutely amazing. The sugar in my bloodstream has boosted my energy level somewhat so fingers crossed I can outlast a full Amaths paper, revision, a Chem paper, and sixteen Drama logs. The chocolate half-wrecked my throat but I still have a package of M&Ms sitting daintily beside my foolscap. Drama was five and a half hours long and exhausting and brilliant today. OH and Kristen and Clarissa were accepted by Ngee Ann, I am so incredibly proud of them it's as if they were my kids hahaha shudder shudder :)
7:10 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
Monday, August 17, 2009
English 'O' Level Oral today. I know I usually talk a whole lot of rubbish but I think this just brought it to a whole new level; :) Questions for conversation were unexpected and various reactions to the questions were funny, haha. My worksheets are in a mess, I can't find my literature 08 tkgs prelim paper, and I'm so fructosing exhausted ughhhhhhhh garnier light save me (and my eyebags)... K lack of sleep causes me to be whiny, which in turn gives me a rather strange kick to be so annoying :) two months come oooooon.
11:16 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
Friday, July 31, 2009
I'm sitting in front of the computer in my pyjamas, slightly woozy from medicine, watching Spice Girls videos on Youtube.
10:08 PM
In my aching head, I got my kisses
slit.
